Caretakers Caregivers
A Caretaker’s Thoughts at Midnight
It’s dark and I’m scaring myself
It’s 12:24 am, everyone’s asleep, and I’m just getting to bed. I hear a feeble “Wen” and I think it’s my mother-in-law. I put the light on my phone, jump out of bed, and waltz into her room. I gently slide the light onto her face. She’s still sleeping. Her chest moves a wee bit. Good she’s still breathing.
I hear hissing and lean in to see if her oxygen nose thing fell out. I don’t have my glasses on so I can’t tell. I lean over her bed. I still can’t tell. So, I lean down even closer towards her face to where I can see.
I’m hovering two inches above her face when I realize if she wakes, I’m going to give her a heart attack and she’ll die. So, I slowly recede back into the dark.
There will be a time when she stops breathing and we will need to resist our lifelong CPR and dial 911 training and instead just let her go.
It’s a scary thought and I’m not ready for it.
She’s ready to go. We’re not.
Get her to eat. Cheer her up. Give her a reason.
In my 20s, 30s, and 40s I was obsessed with Eros love.
